I shall deliberate on one of my favourite characters in fiction here... to all those from RI most probably you all are too AngloSaxon to understand what i am going to say but i shall nevertheless say this... If you read the Condor Heroes.. Huang Rong's father is my favorite character... Dong Xie... Wicked East for translation... he embodies my most desired ideal of all... Xiao Yao... the ultimate form of freedom... freedom from convention rules traditions boundaries and most of all ethics and morals... not that im an unethical immoralist but it is not easy to undo what religion has tried to stifle... he is able to move around without wind or word and do all sorts of things some good some bad most of all he had the freedom of choice to do whatever he wanted... he could rescue at a whim and kill at will... that is what i enjoy most... the power to do anything without bothering of its consequences... is it not a desire for everybody to take off all their burdens and responsibilities and just indulge in something that allows you to be totally uninhibited... i wish to be free... free of all the troubles in the world that plague me and the perception that i see... sometimes blindness is a virtue... you can see no evil... a la Dong Fang Bu Bai... she didn't see evil nor good... only love and that energy created by her immense power gave her the freedom to pursue what she wanted... the freedom to love and she paid for it with her life... the ultimate sacrifice... how thou art to be free from this tiresome and foulsome world... the freedom to think and express...

anyway enough rattling... i shall vaguely describe the faces i have had today... a weak smile... teary eyes... raging fury... consoling sadness... indifferent attitude... irritation in various degrees... amused interest... wide eyed horror... seething temper... suspicious glance... guilty conscience... laughter... so many i ran out of vocabulary... but last of all happiness cos it all came in the end of the day when i was able to put everything aside... and look at the big picture...

Had a date w Spring today and there was so much to talk about... spring should know who she is... talking reminds me of the times that were sometimes best forgotten but i never do cos i try my best to prevent history from repeating it self by continuosly learning the lessons of history but some how th spirit of cassandra surrounds my entire being... is it always a consolation to sometimes be able to see but not say and help as most often such things will be refused? how many times hav i told people to retake their sats in Jc... did they listen... sigh... what am i supposed to feel... pity... indifference? solace? i dunno i can't say i don feel any of them but i just feel that the wind has passed and you will have to wait to catch the next boat... today's entry is too short... cos there are so many unbloggable stuff i cannot say not that it will hurt people but it will involve a lot of abbreviations and hidden names... to all who are concerned i am ok... i have always been for i have never healed from many wounds and carry it around with me... not as medals of battles fought but as a memorial to sadness... Do not wish for eternity but remember what was before... Bu4 zai4 hu1 tian1 chang2 di4 jiu3, zi3 zai4 hu1 ceng2 jin1 yong1 you3 the Sovil titus advertisement w anita mui and andy lau about 10 years back... i shall post a song to descibe my unbloggable stories... my wounded pride... my low self-esteem... my fading glory... my eternal regret... my insufferable pain... my unquenchable sorrow... my melancholic shame...


WILSON PHILLIPS

HOLD ON

I know this pain
Why do lock yourself up in these chains?
No one can change your life except for you
Don't ever let anyone step all over you
Just open your heart and your mind
Is it really fair to feel this way inside?

Chorus:
Some day somebody's gonna make you want to
Turn around and say goodbye
Until then baby are you going to let them
Hold you down and make you cry
Don't you know?
Don't you know things can change
Things'll go your way
If you hold on for one more day
Can you hold on for one more day
Things'll go your way
Hold on for one more day

You could sustain
Or are you comfortable with the pain?
You've got no one to blame for your unhappiness
You got yourself into your own mess
Lettin' your worries pass you by
Don't you think it's worth your time
To change your mind?

(Chorus)

I know that there is pain
But you hold on for one more day and
Break free the chains
Yeah I know that there is pain
But you hold on for one more day and you
Break free, break from the chains

Some day somebody's gonna make you want to
Turn around and say goodbye
Until then baby are you going to let them
Hold you down and make you cry
Don't you know?
Don't you know things can change
Things'll go your way
If you hold on for one more day yeah
If you hold on

Don't you know things can change
Things'll go your way
If you hold on for one more day,
If you hold on
Can you hold on
Hold on baby
Won't you tell me now
Hold on for one more day 'Cause
It's gonna go your way

Don't you know things can change
Things'll go your way
If you hold on for one more day
Can't you change it this time

Make up your mind
Hold on
Hold on
Baby hold on



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