ok my apologies to my loyal readers... i was simply too tired yesterday... couldn't blog and put my comments online so i will have a lot to say today... firstly... life sux... hahahahaha

anyway i will go in chronological order... from yesterday onwards... first thing in the day was a stupid anat review... never bring notes again for the prev lecture... which i never actually read anyway... stupid anat review... really pays off to study for anat an 1 day... im a genius at flunking exams... can you believe it? i did the head and neck thing in 1 day... wat a fabulous revelation by raj... A gone liao... my averages also dipping so badly... anyway after that went to see a stupid indian deposit a 1000 buck note in the atm machine... im impressed w the amount of money he earns... he could actually do something stupid like this... where is the brain...

After that went to watch lost in translation w scum n non-scum... making a clarification but i never had breakfast or lunch until i reached home... only small nibbles of biscuits and i had to borrow Qianyi's EZ link card to use cos i forgot my one... so couldn't afford to eat lunch... i didn't bring my cafe cartel card so no discount also not worth it... scarlett johansson is pretty from certain angles and i love it when she is flinging that beautiful hair of hers... *swoon* the show is so appealing to my sense of disillusionment in life... but i do like the optimistic ending.. after all i am an realistic idealist... i am the optimistic pessimist... for despite all the doom and gloom in life... i look forward to the light at the end of the tunnel... it is my guiding light and my hope that keeps me driving onwards despite all the wounds and falls and shots i have taken... my blood flows in torrents... my strength is sapped by cramps and exhaustion overtakes my visual clarity... despite all the mist and fog... there is always the shining halo of the candle that illuminates

after the show... went to orchard library... felt like kicking myself for not bringing my ez link card cos i could borrow books w it... didn't feel it was polite to borrow space on other's card... later at coffee bean... only drank milk and water... refuse to spend $ on wasteful coffee... then later had a talk and left for home... after a short reconnaissance in kino... went home to sleep... till the next day...

I would like to take the opportunity to tell everybody that when i post stuff on the blog especially my own personal stuff... the act of posting means i have gotten over the incident or issue and do not wish to entertain anymore questions on it... even more so as lunchtime gossip... its not that im being unfriendly or anything but these are my views on a certain issue and i do not wish to argue or debate about it... you also do not need to tell me if you agree or disagree cos it is after all your own opinion... the purpose of the post is to provoke thoughts and suggestions in its readers as a form of intellectual stimulation... you need not feel the need to tell me if you have read my blog or not... i prefer the way of Xiao Yao... or in other words Wo Xing Wo Su...

A clarification statement... sometimes a lot of things depend on perspective... if i wear a baggy shirt to school of course i will look as if i lost weight... even more so if we don exactly meet up often... so i will make this clear... i haven't lost weight.

i also must add... i do not know any recommended texts for medicine... just stick to one that you feel comfortable in... sometimes you have to make your decisions... you cannot always depend on others for advice... not that im averse to giving advice but it reminds me of a time best forgotten... when i gave too much advice and it didn't sound the least bit nice... not that now i have become colder or anything but i realise that sometimes you must let yourself fall in order to stand up...

The above marks the end of tuesday's events... things that cannot be said will not be said...

Today... i had driving lesson in the afternoon... so i left school at 12.30 had a very nice talk with VC... so lighthearted and amusing... sometimes i give myself to many excuses to escape my own shame... anyway i have just been curiously jolted back to reality... i sometimes do not know how i manage to piss people off... i mean i dunno how i crossed the line but i never did anything that was hideously wrong right? ok i have been crossing swords w somebody today... not on purpose but i dunno y we got on each others nerves today... i apologise... you know who you are out there... i really treasure you as a friend pardon my insistence...

in chinese saying we have the term Li Shang Wang Lai... as in Give and Receive... since you gave and i received last time... this time if i give... y can't you receive... surely you should let me return a friend his kindness? somethings need not be said openly... you give too much of yourself to others... y don you let others be able to treat you as the way you treat them.. a true friend?

i can tell the world that i do not profess to know everything... nobody does... nobody has... nobody will... i hate it when people overestimate me and my abilities.. .they are limited cos i am human... i have been called many names over the course of this week and they are more like imperious, brat, pompous, prick... look i am imperfect... even more so than the rest of the world cos i was brought up in a very sheltered environment... i was in an all boys school from primary to secondary school... so i don't really know how to communicate w the fairer sex... i apologise for all my misdemeanours... i shall now hope that you can read the following passage and understand my circumstances...

An ONLY Child
I was born on the 19th of november 1984... my parents were already 30+ and i was the only result of their union... my uncle once said to me when my parents were not around... "the biggest mistake your parents made in life was to only have you." i felt insulted at first cos i really love my parents... even tho i scold them all the time... i have never been brought up to show love openly... cos my family is a very conservative family... ok im diverging... but yes... i agree w my uncle... i am spoilt... not to the hilt but i know i am spoilt but i can tell you this spoiling comes w a prices... do you not realise that i am under my parents' scrutiny for every movement i make... even as i am typing this now... my mom is fuming mad that i am using the computer and not studying fot the end of year exams... i am essentially the sole torch bearer... do you think i like it... do you think i like coming back from school everyday to be denied TV, Radio, Computer only leaving a telephone and books? do you think i don't want a childhood... yes i admit i am childish at times but do you not realise i couldn't do a lot of things when i was young... i couldn't run around in the playground... i couldn't make bubble balloons and play w firecrackers and pop pop... even as i speak... a few of my A1 friends are on my mom's blacklist cos they are the ones i hang around to have fun... she always keeps on comparing me to her friends and colleagues children who are on dean's list and scholars etc... she now keeps on whining why am i not studying for pros... do you think i have a life? NO i love her but i have to rebel to get what i want... i literally force her to submit to my will in order for me to get my own space... she hates justin cos i always go to his house to sample the pleasures that she denies me... Comp games... Tv... Radio.. PS... she keeps on buying me assessment books, clothes and all of ehat the materialistic world can offer but what do i really want? FREEDOM. Freedom to do what i want and choose what i want to be... she is now screaming that if i so do not like studying why am i doing medicine? Do you not see that my life sux. people say i am imperious, brat and spoilt but what am i supposed to be... to be like them... to be their mirror image? i can't say yes nor no for there is something called admiration. i admire some people but i can't possible lose myself in taking after them rite? i must have my own identity... i am not afraid to be myself and sometimes it shocks people cos i can say i have a very different upbringing from others... i do not have a elder sibling to look up to or be compared against... i do not have a younger sibling to take care of... i do not do a lot of chores in the house cos i don need to... i don have any cousins of the same age bracket as me... the nearest in terms of age is my cousins from JB and they are so different... i do not need to tell the whole world what i know... contratry to what many people believe... i know you know i know a lot of stuff but i can tell you you do not know exactly how much i know... i wish that i can be sensible and mature but i can tell you that sometimes what you see is not what you get... i have a lot of unhappiness in my life... not from wanting something or lacking in something but its even more deep rooted and personal than most of you can imagine so pardon me sometimes what i zone out to hyperspace or when i am feeling not myself... or maybe in this case i am being my usualy cutting biting self... it is just not fair to share something w you and make you unhappy too... i shall just bury it within my heart... some of you know my little secrets... some of you don't... y some know and y some dunno its usually due to a matter of chance... if i am feeling comfortable w it then i will say... Nobody actually understands the pressures of an only child especially when everything is concentrated on him/her... yes more is given but EVEN MORE is expected... you will never know the mindset of the only child for we live in our own worlds cos there is no one else to interact... i have said my point and i will rest my case...


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