夜已深　还有什麽人　让你这样醒著数伤痕
为何临睡前会想要留一盏灯　你若不肯说　我就不问

只是你现在不得不承认　爱情有时候是一种沉沦
让人失望的虽然是恋情本身　但是不要只是因为你是女人

若爱得深会不能平衡　为情困　磨折了灵魂
该爱就爱　该恨的就恨　要为自己保留几分

女人独有的天真和温柔的天分　要留给真爱你的人
不管未来多苦多难　有他陪你完成

虽然爱是种责任　给要给得完整　有时爱　美在无法永恒
爱有多销魂　就有多伤人　你若勇敢爱了　就要勇敢分

On hindsight... this song refers to females but the essence behind the entire song applies to one and all... i especially love the last stanza... Although love is a burden, if you give it, give it all, cos love's beauty is not always due to its eternity... Love can break hears and souls... if you dare to give love you must also share... this song has such a poetic ring to it that i never get tired of listening to it...

dinnermeat: you know what i have to say over this issue... instructor hands are definitely tied... we all know that... but wrt to the morbid obese people... i rest my case... don want to bring up any more of my past.. this has been an extremely irritatingly nostalgic month already... i hate it when it comes flooding back... especially when you try to forget all that happened.

A comment i got from a close friends... ' your blogposts make you look schizo and insanely depressed and you give the impression that you have the tendency to either slit your wrist or slit somebody's throat all the time.' impressive... i didn't know some harmless musings on life could degenerate into turning me into a psycho of sorts... NOT ANGRY here... i am not some hypersentitive hypochondriac. i get peeved more by misconceptions of my actions and my behaviour than anything else. Look. from reading my blogposts you all should realise that i think alot more than most people and yes i admit sometimes i think too much and in so doing take off to fantasy land... NOPE i do not want to be like you... i rather let of steam in small bursts all the time than to explode in some huge conflagration of nuclear isotopes. even if i seem hot-tempered by doing so... so what if its not a GUY way of doing things... i don care damnit. i just do what i feel the practical need to do things... heck with all appearances. if you all judge me by appearances i can tell you most probably i can predict that from reading this blog you will get a huge wake up call... im not what you see, imagine and interact with all the time. if you take me so shallowly think again... WYSINWYG... if you think all the time i whine is a baseless thing then you should realise only one thing... i have never told you the real causes of my whinings. so face it... those who know me do those who think they know me don't. if you choose to know me via the reputations and rumours that perpetuate in medfac i shall live up to the stereotype that is set for me... essentially i shall perform the Carzy show for everybody... to make you satisfied that What you hear is What you see. after all life is a stage right? and we all are actors... enjoy the play or get to know the cast and crew... you decide...

Inferiority complex aside... i do not always live in an ivory tower... i have had my share of disturbances in life and some of which are quite creative in the way God puts me to trial... I don't eat PROZAC and besides i am in full control of my life cos i have wrested enough control of it from my parents already. that is so far my greatest achievement... if you think that im perpetually sad and unhappy you are wrong... i don need to share my happiness with everybody cos most of the time i do that i get scorn... if im happy i got a new shirt guess what will be the reply from the rest of the world? " do you need more clothes? ' I am actually quite easily contented just that i admit my sense of satisfaction and my tastes in general tend to be rather different. So whenever i say what i enjoy and like i either get bashed for being frivolous or sniped at my ALTERNATIVE lifestyle... you don't know what its like in Sec 1 when you are not in a sports ECA... every single form of verbal abuse tends to get thrown in your face especially if you are fat, ugly and nerdy. I really don see the need to justify myself all the time and put myself in some victimised position wailing out for help and understanding... to those who say im not sensitive enough to people... sometimes bending my back has its limits cos i will not compromise my own beliefs to adjust to others... politically incorrect i may be but as usual... I DON"T CARE... I have my own family problems too but there is no need for me to share them with the whole world cos its a stupid problem that has been there since the day i was born... a Hint to one and all... GUESS WHY AM I AN ONLY CHILD? anyway for the record... this is how my emotional response goes

Your perception -------------- My Actual Response
Carzy is irritated ------------- Carzy gives a xian/irritated look
Carzy is angry --------------- Carzy is mildly irritated
Carzy is furious -------------- Carzy is irritated
Carzy is violent -------------- Carzy is angry
GET IT?

actually i think i reversed the order of the columns... anyway back to mugging for now... i don feel the need to say anymore stuff for the time being as my cortisol levels are high... i usually only blog after a few hours of sorting through my thoughts... I am bitter but always hopeful cos i know the meaning of not being bitter and i lost it already... but i have always loved pandora's box as it gives me the remaining strand of sustenance... Hope exists and i have seen it and i believe in its existence all the time. Sorry egocentric here... anyway i love the song creep by radiohead on the scum blog... its another of those songs that say stuff like you're so incomparably beautiful complared to me being a creep (tone of voice of the little one) and it reflects Wo3 Hen3 Chou3 perfectly rite? life sux tell me about it... wounds? when will they heal...


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