不要谈什麽分离　我不会因为这样而哭泣
那只是昨夜的一场梦而已
不要说愿不愿意　我不会因为这样而在意
那只是昨夜的一场游戏
那只是一场游戏一场梦
虽然你影子还出现我眼里
在我的歌声中　早已没有你
那只是一场游戏一场梦
不要把残缺的爱留在这里
在两个人的世界里　不该有你
喔　为什麽道别离　又说什麽在一起
如今虽然没有你　我还是我自己
说什麽此情永不渝　说什麽我爱你
如今依然没有你　我还是我自己

This is the song that i remembered hearing at TFT when i did my guard duty there... the radio was still on as i patrolled up and down the desolate stretch of the terminal with my good friend Bobby... brings back so many painful yet beautiful memories of times best remembered yet best forgotten... i might not look very fat now but i don appreciate the insensitivity towards obese company people... try being one yourself first then you can understand the humiliation and inadequacies that plague us throughout our lives... its a part of me that im not really happy to talk about but if i keep it bottled up it will surely affect my studying... do you think i wanted to go in 6 weeks earlier if i had a choice? do you think i chose to be fat? in a way yes cos i rebelled against the societal notions by inaction on my part and i refused to partake in loving the army, ocs, sispec whatever crap they could come out with... sometimes behind a smiley face is a sad past and its best not to rake it up. i feel good giving away $10 to the poor boy scouts on job week... by helping somebody today really made my day... cos i felt that i owe a debt to her... she helped me tide so much of my problems in JC when i was so anti-social and so out of place... its only right now that i repay the debt that i owe her... both an emotional and literal debt that even now my heart is afraid to confess... it will destabilise so many things yet i have kept it hidden for so long... just praying that maybe i could return to where i was after army... but she is taken and i congratulate the lucky guy who got her cos whoever got her is really fortunate... sometimes i have kept silent a lot of the stuff that i regret not saying... maybe its me cos im painfully shy when it comes to such matters... sigh... people say i put myself down too much... but i don want to blur the reality from my eyes... to all who think well of me... revise your opinion before it is too late cos the truth is worse than what you can imagine... everybody has a past... so do i and i have never told anybody before not even the person who knows me best knows so i quote from my friend... " knowing you as a real person and reading your blog seems like 2 different worlds and personalities altogether... " everybody else please go on and lead your simple happy lives and leave the shadows and complex realities to me... after all is life not like the song title? a game and a dream? i wonder? BEGONE!


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