I think i got gastric flu the day before spots no wonder i had to leave before 8 pm to rush home in the middle of a torrential downpour so irritating... now im having hypermotility of my intestine... so irritating... had to leave early today somemore... so fed up. dunno if there is a bug spreading around.

anyway i dunno what has come over me but i feel very normal now... to think i actually never played CS in like JC and had my like 10th session lately i think... or even less i don remember now... i can still remember that i didn't see much point in playing CS back in JC... i didn't see the point of it all... now i sort of realised that sometimes popular stuff has actually a broad appeal to it and i feel quite regreful that i never managed to enjoy it earlier... i have been too alternative and extra most of the time maybe its time i had a paradigm shift... anyway im a very literature person cos i prefer reading stuff that you can learn from... and enjoy at the same time. I realise i don read comics not manga nor take an active interest in television but i enjoy movies and radio cos they are more interactive and dramatic. i like serious shows cos im a serious person cos im brought up that way but i really wish i could see the lighter side of things... its alot easier on my heart not being a hypochondriac at times... but i inherit the worrying complex from my mom... and i am a sucker for details... in a sense a planner... ie. control freak...

anyway... i just realise that im so weak... i need to go to a gym and most probably its like the first time i am going into a place like this since BMT. i have always tended to lie on the fat side and thus a gym is really an intimidating place to go to especially if you are a newbie... sigh... anyway i have to go to the gym cos i realise that i have an abnormally high BP like 120+ systolic and that is freaking no good la when the rest of the people i know are at least only 100+... i mean i have an abnormally slow heart which beats like 56 -60 times a minute and considering my dearth of exercise its so ridiculous... maybe im on my way to an early cardiac arrest. anyway aesthetically im feeling challenged... so its all the vanity and worrying about my premature death that is driving me to the gym... anyway i feel that my body deserves more self-respect and thus i shall do something about it... after all i didn't really treat it very well for the past 19 and 1/2 years so its my own birthday present to myself altho its a bit early to say... anyway i just discovered i was a premature baby by 5 weeks... haha most probably have some mental retardation somewhere that makes me turn psycho

some idiotic friend of mine keeps on telling me that he needs plastic surgery and he is so FAT and ugly... what does that make me? an obese slob?... i want to punch his face cos he looks so much better than me and i feel that he is trying to feed me a taste of my own medication... hmph... i feel so valued by that friend... i am so chou... and i belittle myself cos i need to feel the constant presence of an inferiority complex.. it drives my being and makes my life more worth living if i know there is always something i can improve... sigh... feeling damn depressed lately if not y do i keep on emphasising the need of yes sir... i need somebody to bring a sense of authority into my life cos nowadays i hardly talk to my parents anymore... we all come home and everybody is expected to do their own things and i don even quarrel with them anymore... we are all too tired... and they expect me to behave like a grown up... which is part and parcel of life...

hypocrites... y are they always present... anyway i will talk about them in the next installment cos now im going to talk about the various love-hate relationships i have w people. Some people fall under the category of Love to Hate and some people fall in the category Hate to Love... i wonder why do these things actually occur cos it really takes only a bit to set of an explosion for one category and the other requires tonnes of patience... i need a lighter side to life... sigh... hypocrites... y are they always present... anyway im xian over pros... how am i not going to fail...? sigh... im so tired these few days that i feel as if life has been sapped out of me by a vampire or a leech... the only thing im looking forward to is the upcoming holidays... if im going abroad then i will miss something so important to my life that is the Great Singapore Sale... anyway as of the present moment im so tired down in my own exhaustion that im not being able to even accede to simple requests from friends as im so tired that i cannot be bothered to find and search for stuff... sorry and i apologise for the delay but give me sometime can... i need a little rest to myself... feeling off today and most prob for the next week or so... i think i shall stop rambling here and go to sleep... adios




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