yes, due to the coming CAs and Pros i will not have a lot of time to update this blog of mine cos most of the time the action lies in the textbooks... so nothing nice to write up here... anyway it seems that yesterday & today is somewhat traumatic yet symbolically peaceful... somethings have passed and somethings will pass but most of all life goes on... sigh... where is happiness?

thanks to all who have replied to the previous post on their own blogs and answered the previous questions, a phase has passed over my life and now the horizon looks a lot clearer. i have begun to accept things as they are and shall not bother w poring over their details... my perception has improved somewhat and this is scarily enlightening...

its very odd to discover a leak in a pipe that you have sealed shut and when this leak comes open you find yourself wet and cold... and angry... and this is so interestingly somebody is involved in the leak and this is infuriating. I will not pursue any matter cos if its out in the open let it be... i never wanted to seal anything shut in the first place, cos out of consideration and sensitivity to others i sealed it only for this nonsense to happen, and im being very polite about this. I do not misjudge people for no good reason thus if you have proven otherwise, be forewarned... cos when i nurse a wound i have haemophilia... it takes an eternity to heal... after all... i do not forget.

sometimes change is so disruptive and hurting that you wish that it never did happen, how i yearn for the times spent in JC... if only i had the courage to ask but i never did and now i have the situation of what if only i had... sigh... somemore i feel so bad considering circumstances tt have passed and happened, we don seem to talk together very well anymore, maybe cos i have changed and so has this person, if only that could have never happened, i have become happier and she the reverse... sigh... y must fate b so cruel?

ok... i feel very guilty writing this cos its so earth shattering... Mummy i love you... even though you are most probably ignorant of this weblog of mine... i just found out that not everybody has a birthday cake every year whereas i don even need to ask and i will get it... im sorry i take it as a given... Im a spoilt and trapped in an ivory tower... everyday i get news of carpentry and sibling feuds and of financial throes and domestic woes. i mean i have my fair share but it sometimes pales in comparison to what others experience. im too naive and immature and sheltered to know... i need an elder brother or sister.

good friends are rare and thus i appreciate them and i shall take the opportunity to apologise for my over reaction at the silly joke you played. i know that you didn't mean any harm and that just the timing was wrong and i feel very guilty harping on it all the time. and so i offered to make up for it and this only led to further misunderstanding and now im feeling so hurt and lost. i dunno what am i supposed to do. our differences are the novelty in our friendship but we also share alot in common. its not i don't want to share but if you do want to share w others something that i offer you, just ask. i am not against mass dissemination. Its not that im not for sharing but you assume that i will automatically accede to your request. I will in fact since you are a good friend but all i ask is for you to inform me of the nature of the request. I am not averse to sharing but i feel that it is quite impolite for you to let it our without asking me first cos there might be terms and conditions imposed by others that i feel no need to inform you about. You know that im willing to share but im just upset over the fact that you assume too great a casual familiarity which im not exactly comfortable w. everybody has their own problems be it domestic or external thus i will not blow up at you cos i treasure your friendship but not accepting my apology is causing me a great deal of sadness. I don't want this to be the beginning of the end.


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