张清芳

燃烧一瞬间

别人的爱情故事缠缠绵绵 你我之间却隐隐约约
爱与不爱失去了界线 有苦口难言
我们都害怕彼此可能改变 担心梦想可能幻灭
所以都把期待放一边 不愿承诺明天
难道永远真的那麽远 海誓和山盟其实是谎言
既然能够相恋 何必管他是否改变
我愿爱你用我每一个今天 相信真心经得起考验
日日夜夜 放纵眷恋 让美丽神话重现
我愿爱你用我每一个今天 不再按捺 不管危险
我点起心中那片熊熊火焰 燃烧一瞬间

i am supposed to go zouk today... i am so depressed... i think i did badly for anatomy and biochem... don keep on accusing me of whining unnecessarily... this is so depresseing... i can pass i guess but i don think i will do satisfactorily... and i am going to miss so many good things this weekend... the mph warehouse booksale... my bmt outing at zouk... christopher bailey in In Conversation at 11am... the Chanel show by karl lagerfield... of course the necessary shopping and R & R... to think that i will spend the next 2 days in the library... im getting so stressed even my sleep wake cycles are being turned topsy turvey... i cant sleep and i can wake up when i force myself to sleep... im having some pseudo febrile state where my body seems to be a heater radiating heat all the time and when it encounters air-conditioning my heart freezes and i get panic attacks which happened after biochem... i cant nap at all for it will end up in some nightmarish state or the dream will veer off into the unreal and i will wake up to find myself sleeping for 20 minutes when it felt like 4 hours... Now physiology confronts me and i pray that something good may come out on monday... whatever the case i thank the Lord for his blessings and lessons and i am definitely going to watch the Passion of Christ... i think im immature and childish for not realising many things earlier and that i must thank a few people for elucidating certain theories to me... and to certain people... if i don eat after an exam it doesn't mean im pissed... im just mentally tired and my glucose levels are low thus i opt for a herbal tea instead as it cools me down and hydrates and replenishes the glucose levels... the sympathetic stimulation is overriding the parasympathetics thus i don feel any appetite... i feel that i have let myself down for these exams as they were not exactly difficult... if you studied for them u surely can do well and i studied but i never do well as i always do not study smart... so what if i study hard... its useless if i have bad exam skills and answering techniques... didn't have time to do swallowing when i could perfectly well have answered it if i just had more time to write it out instead of doing stupid pelvic kidneys which i was partially crapping as i didn't study pelvic kidneys... only studied metanephros and mesonephros and pronephros... It was an easy paper cos whatever raj said came out but to think that other people finished the paper w time to spare makes me petrified... it makes me doubt my own capabilities especially my lack of content and time... thanks avaris for allowing me to whine to him on friday... thanks to neil as well... ur timely call makes it so much easier to breathe... what is the point of knowing everything but having no time to write? i just feel disappointed as sometimes i know what will come out but i didn't study for it cos i decide to put it aside for dunno what nonsensical reason... like i know SARS was coming out yet i didn't study real time PCR when i told somebody else too... good for him but i can only curse myself for not heeding my own intuition... and simple stuff like stop codon is water also eludes me... simple stuff cannot do... hard stuff also cannot do... what the heck can i do? NOTHING Can i take my bio olympiad medal and throw it out of the window... together with the National Science Talent Search certificate? Im not worthy of it anymore... so with the mediquiz cert as well... i can tell you that im not the consistent highscorer or the highflying genius... in fact im pretty much below average... so people's expectations are rather skewed and im sorry to disappoint if there was any disappointment in the first place... i can't perform at all... don ask me anymore questions as i know i am stupid... I AM AN IDIOT!!!!!!!!!! i know only one thing in this world and that is i know nothing... NOTHING. NOTHING NOTHING NOTHING NOTHING NOTHING NOTHING. I KNOW NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOTHING NOTHINg NOTHIng NOTHing NOThing NOthing Nothing nothing nothin nothi noth not no n ....


Which Member of the Endless Are You?

I am Destiny alright... can perceive my own future but im unable to control or influence the outcome... cos its fated that i am powerful yet helpless... knowing yet being unable to do anything about it... sigh... why?


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