I don't know what should i be feeling right now. I am emotionless. I do not feel anger, pain, regret, distrust, ambushed, disillusioned, sadness, resignation... etc. NOTHING. I feel emotionless. I have lost all my emotions. I can't sleep and i don't think i will. I don't know what to make of the situation but i'm not feeling anything even though i think i should be feeling something. I should have emotions shouldn't i? Maybe i know what I'm feeling now. Alienation, strangeness, loneliness. I feel alone in this world, in the middle of a saturday night. typing rambling nonsense on the blog for the whole world to see. Cursed insomnia, i curse you. y do you afflict me when i am already scourged. Do you not see my wounds and my hurts? Do you not understand not comprehend? Y does this pestilence assail me and assault me. Y do i have to be stunned into silence and shocked into emotionlessness? Maybe i never expected it, maybe i did but was never willing to face up to the reality. I have no words to say nor explanations to give. Reasons are useless and apologies are fatal. I may sound like some psychomaniac here but yes maybe that is the case now over a cup of green tea. I don't know what to do with it or react to it. What should i do? Comfort is useless and solace is absent. Defence is futile, offense is inapplicable. Consolation is pointless and despair is enveloping. To forgive is to forget but I am too forgiving and i fear that this is the straw that breaks my back. Toleration is a virtue and subtlety is a gift. I don't know what to do? Can somebody help me? Either shoot me or kill me. To end this painful life of mine asap. I wait for my end as the time is nigh. sigh. y?

The Underworld

I swear by Styx that i will avenge this pain.
Of trust lost and friendship in vain.
I seek no quarry other than the one.
Who will eat the bullet of my gun.

I wail on Cocytus that my heart is torn.
For i have never been so forlorn.
Desertion and betrayal is all i can take.
For i will make you burn on the stake.

I am pained by you, Oh Acheron!
Washing in your waters drives my fury on.
Till the end of time I will endure.
Until your blood cleanses your sin pure.

I wish i could drink your waters, Oh Lethe!
It removes me of this painful memory.
And of the better times that we all shared.
Now i only feel hate bitterness and mad.

The fires of Pyriphlegethon seal my hate
And mold the steel that is your fate.
I seek recompense for my trust misplaced.
And you sinews will give my shoes its lace.

At the sight of you, Charon refuses to row.
Cerebus bites you as Hell's fires bellow
Sisyphus and Peirithous mock your name
As Minos Rhadamanthys and Aiakos bow in shame.

Hades, Persephone and Hectate sentence you
To join the Titans in Tartarus in lieu
of the deeds and crimes, heniously committed
When I was still innocent and untainted

The Erinyes strike your hair and face
Nemesis aids their divine rage with grace
The gods avail me their onmipotence
To grant me a just and fair sentence

For the terrible crime you have committed
I swear by the Styx embittered
that may you never see the light of day
until Mount Olympus starts to sway.


For your information, i wrote this in a pique of tremedous rage. lousy attempt at poetry.


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