Mediquiz is over. Well on saturday mediquiz was held in lt 25 & 26 and i had to lug my monitor to the LT as we couldn't load monitors from MUS as they cost a lot of $. And to my horro my dad left for KL and this made things even worse as after mediquiz ended i had to lug the stupid monitor around orchard road and marche. As to put it quite plainly, i was the emcee for mediquiz and a bad one at that. Sigh. Its not very good sometimes to be caught unaware. I got the job cos i was in europe and the committee voted me in without me to dissent... So yes that is how i got the emcee post. Friday was the rehersal and we stayed so late until i couldn't wake up the next day. Dead beat from waking up so early to rush to school for nothing. Still have to find my outfit, settle my tie, everything. Cos of all the rush i didn't really have time to make myself look presentable. well... as there were too much things to do on the actual day itself, there wasn't enough time for a proper rehersal and this resulted in a lot of confusion and chaos. Sigh. But everything went fine in the end as there were very few hitches in the quiz proper. Sigh. I think i made a mess of my emcee role. Sorry to disappoint everybody but i have not really been able to sometimes overcome stage fright. Well HCJC won and RJC was second and VJC third. I big thanks goes out to all our supporting committee members like the question setting committee and the other trainers and supporters. During the quiz proper they helped out by doing all the backstage stuff while the main committee was busy with the formalities of the quiz itself. A few unforseen glitches like our physio judge had and domestic emergency and couldn't be present and miscommunication regarding the prize giving resulted in the Chairperson not around during the actual prizegiving itself and the VP had to deputise. the take home lesson is... HAVE MORE REHERSALS. Its actually quite bad cos we only had 1 rehersal and it was not a full dress rehersal so a lot was lacking but as somebody says sometimes for all the planning in the world, nothing beats improvisation. Well there is a limit to my abilities and sometimes its hard to pretend to not know something when the whole wide world is doing so as well. Sigh... if only somebody could burst the bubble sooner. For the better i guess

To distance yourself from somebody is quite a hard thing to do. I'm trying to do so, out of respect and fear that this person will know what i'm doing. Its ironical that what I'm doing is out of respect cos i have lost all respect from this person and the last vestiges of respect whatsoever is being used to u could say salvage or prevent a complete split. Familiarity breeds contempt and its taking a while for me to be accepting. Fear cos i know how this person will react to this and its not going to be very kind to put it this way. I have hinted a lot of times about my mode of action but this person doesn't seem to get it. I'm cryptic when it comes to such things and more so if it makes me feel highly estranged and uncomfortable. Just need some time away to take things in slowly and acceptingly. Well it seems that i'm still trying to run away and anything i do to make myself happy is not working. sigh. Anyway dependable friends have informed me on certain issues that only increase the burden on me and thus i feel even more saddened. I didn't intend that whatever i did would lead to such a conclusion. Its just so sad that people have to carry baggages with them and begrudge me so for doing it. To think that I still think of that person as a friend. To all those who are concerned, sorry i can't reveal more than what i can say on my blog as it involves a myriad of personalities. Maybe i just stress myself out for no reason. But if i don't do so, i would just make a lot of people more unhappy. In trying to be less insensitive, i get a whole load of crap from the world. Maybe im not made out to be a citizen of this world and im not mature enough to handle the stresses of reality. Its just sad i guess. Couldn't blog for a few days cos of such rubbish bothering me. My main motto in life Forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us. I have been too forgiving while others cannot forgive no matter what i try or do to resolve the situation. So now i'm no longer going to be a forgiving softie. Its infuriating to know that people cannot forgive and forget. i will now remain evasive over everything cos everything that comes out somehow leads to a bad repercussion in one way or another which i never intended on doing so but people assume that they know how i behave and how i think. I'm sorry if your image of me stems from the archaic days of JC and RI but I'm sorry to know that you have been unable to accept that i have changed and still view me in that same dismal light. In this respect i shall also condemn the same fate to you. May you all begone. Forever.

Some friends are drifting away, cos they are in NS and sadly i have a part to play in neglecting them. Just met a couple of people on Saturday night in Orchard. Its just so weird that the chemistry is still there but its just sad that i can no longer keep up with them anymore. What is the point of having a person's contact if you hardly contact that person? Sometimes there are too many people to talk to and too many people to make friends with. As they say, Friends come and go and i have the vain idea of thinking that i can maintain contact with all of them. Which is crap at times. I hardly talk to somebody i used to call so many times back in RI and certain people who i hardly talk to in the past are now my closest pals. Just so weird at times. I miss the past, cos sometimes things look so much better in retrospect, when i was more innocent, more self-centered, more unworldy and more adventurous. Its sad that when you look back in the past you hardly see any of the sad things that happen but only remember the good things that occured and existed. I have been contemplating the past over the past few months and have made certain decision regarding my life now. Weird right, looking back to the past to find life's teachings to make your present life better. I look forward but sometimes the lessons of history must never be forgotten if not they will merely repeat themselves over again. To quote somebody, I think too much. Maybe i do and that is the cause for all my white hairs and perhaps for all the aging that has taken its toll. As they say, time waits for no one thus i have also decided to do certain things which i feel i might never have the time to do again once my youth has left me and my spirit sagging. Maybe i shall have to say goodbye to my life as it is soon as i shall devote time and patience to something more fruitful and more deserving then unabashed materialism which leaves me so exhausted and empty. But i like the feeling of pursuing it cos it gives me the temporary satisfaction to account for the emptiness i feel in my life. I'm always quite emotionally detached. I can detach myself emotionally from most things as i choose to dehumanise it. But something happened that gave me a sign that this alienation from my heart has turned its tide. I pray that the omens are propitious.


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