Today was quite ok except for the few things that trouble my mind. I still don't understand a certain email. and i finally understood why i had spent so much $ these past few days. I don't go on such sprees unless something is terribly wrong and yes it is. I'm not in depression or anything but i had such a mind-blowing day today. I realised a very important thing that i have been grappling to face. I am now ready to face it and yes i know that i have to face it. Its been there for a long time just brooding and patiently waiting and today is the ripe day for me to discover the truth behind the facade. have been talking to some people today and yes, i revealed it to them.

A nice song that i heard on radio:

I can't believe it, you're a dream comin' true.
I can't believe how I have fallen for you.
And I was not looking, was content to remain.
And it's ironic to be back in the game.

You are the one who's led me to the sun.
How could I know that I was lost without you...

And I want to tell you, you control my rain..
And you should know that you are life in my veins.

You are the one who's led me to the sun.
How could I know that I was lost without you...

I can't believe it, you're a dream comin' true.
I can't believe how I have fallen for you.

And I was not looking, was content to remain.
And it's erotic to be back in the game.

The second portion of the day involves serious stuff. The stuff above is more personal but the stuff here is more reflective. It seems that love is not in the air. and that i had such an argument with a very close friend yesterday that made me quite saddened that i was so stubborn. You were saying that i was doing something wrong and not giving a second chance and hurting the person. I actually think that by doing what i did i am saving whatever there is left. I need time to reflect on the issue before i can accept it and that person. Its already very nice to me to inform this person of my decision instead of letting my actions speak louder than words. I know it hurts but i can't afford to not follow up on my decision if it burdens me so much and it will just tear my world apart. You think that i should be talking over with that person and i should respect this person by offering my explanation. Do you think explaning things like are so easy. Sometimes the truth hurts more and in this case i rather bury the whole incident and get over it. You don't know how long and how much i have been thinking over this issue and let me say this again. Its not easy to respect this person anymore. I can't even look at this person straight in the face. Isolation and avoidance is the way that i pursue now and i'm keeping my distance. I pray for God's guidance to help me overcome every obstacle i face but if in the process of doing what must be done i lose a friend. I'm prepared to accept this with regret if necessary. Do you know how much it pains me to even undertake such a decision? I didn't decide this over like 1 day. It took 3 months. Y so? I don't know, i just felt like it was time to leave, albeit for a short while. This person knows cos i told this person in person. I don't want a repeat of another episode that you know too well of. I am tired of a lot of things and i will resume this portion of the text in ICQ when we next meet. But for now let me tell you this, things have been running too fast and i'm not in a condition to accept all the changes that come my way. I have a limit to my buffering capacity. I really do hope you will see my point of view. My way of saving it is to break, if only for a while. How long a while takes depends on fate. To the other person who i was talking yesterday, i hope you too see it this way. I know you support the opposition but i hope u see and understand my point of view. I didn't make this decision on a whim in face it is one of my most deliberated decisions that i have ever made. I wish for peace as i need my own space too. I'm at breaking point. to the somebody whom i talked to past 12mn, you have been wonderful. You are the only person i know who can see my view point. it might be sad but nevertheless i wish this person all the best for the future. Goodbye my friend. If it is willed maybe i will be friends with you again. For now, farewell. God Bless. We do care a lot for each other and I still do. But unfortunately, I have to go. Its quite unfair on my part to do what I feel I have to do and I never did do any explanation. You must be feeling aggrieved and hurt when I broke the news but then I gave as much respect as the situation allows. I apologise if it hurts but I hope you understand. Sayonara.

爱我

（女）你的手指你的眸　你的喉结你的口
　我总忍不住徘徊逗留　怕一生爱都挪不走
（男）你的笑容你的愁　你的心情你的梦
　我总忍不住窥探追究　在生命的旅途中　我想随你甘甜与共

（男）你的过去你的忧　（女）你的未来你的路
（合）我都很愿意分享共有　在每一个晨昏中　我亦步亦趋随你走

（女）爱我　因为你我变得好富有　
　在你怀中被爱占有　那种满足是一切都比不过
（男）爱我　没有你我变得好贫穷
　在人世中少你左右　我想我连什麽价值也没有
（合）好好爱我　

（合）尤其在人海沙漠　人的心越来越难懂　至少心中有个你寄托

A nice duet. It really reflects my moods now. Do not presume to understand cos a lot of happy and sad things were revealed today and I’m absolutely confused and disturbed to say the least. Sometimes I like being alone and tonight will be a sleepless morning. Sigh.



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