Ruinous Blue & red earth: I forgot to write out that when I told the person that I was ill, I was threatened with the accusation of threatening to play out on this person. I was so shocked and mad. How dare somebody accuse me of such a tantamount falsity. To think I went back and finished up whatever I could despite my splitting headache which persisted albeit at a more bearable pain level after a panadol infusion. I wasn’t asking for pity or a shelving of duties. Im not blowing up on purpose. I totally detest the accusations of uselessness and its not a nice feeling when ur being accused of any hint of irresponsibility.

I have rarely told people im not feeling well as I do not want pity from people nor concern. So there are times when you see me lost and listless and its actually due to illness which I do not want any sympathy for. It makes me look weak and I won’t openly say that I am sick unless I cannot bear it anymore.

RB: You know me well enough to know what I mean. You have seen my arthritis affect me before. I just don’t like to be sick or look sick or to be taken care of. It’s a sign of weakness. I hate it. I hate my arthritis after somebody said something to the effect that I broke my leg on purpose to get downgraded in army. I wanted to prove to others so much that I could still use my leg. I just hate it when I am made to seem useless, helpless and weak. I hate it. I just hate it. I absolutely hate it cos Im an only child. I get all sorts of care and help all the time. I am never trusted with anything. I just want trust, not a threat of me playing out on people. I cannot work in an environment where I am looked upon as the source of distrust. If you have no trust in me, then don’t make me do your bidding. Find somebody else. Or learn to deal with uncertainty.

Anyway I just watched the rhythmic gymnastic final and I am totally enthralled. Its absolutely wondrous. The lithe, svelt bodies that twist and turn with such fluidity and grace and their amazing flexibility and their enormous attention grabbing potential. Alina Kabaeva!!!! So pretty, so young. So lithe and the most endearing thing is her smile with those beautiful eyes of hers. She is beautiful. Anna bessanova of Ukraine is also very pretty. I absolutely love gumnastics. The perfect vision of the human form, flying through the sky with leaps and jumps, swinging from pommel horses and parallel bars. Its just so wondrous watching grace in action. Its music in motion. The beauty cannot be described in words. Sigh... The Italy vs brazil volleyball final was very tight as italy were the shorter and not as talented team but were putting their utmost effort in defending from the brazillians. Now I am watching the waterpolo final between Hungary and Serbia & Montenegro. Very exciting. The fights are so close that its so tense. I wish I had the height of the volleyball players and the bods of the waterpolo players. It makes me feel inspired to start a new workout programme, which I have been formulating to cope with the loss of free time for gym since school has started. I shall try to keep myself in tip top condition. I believe that my recent bout of illness I caused by my dip in fitness. I shall have to keep that at bay with swimming, running, gym, home workout and karate. I am getting fat. I look fat and chubby in photos. ARGH. So disgusting. I am fat. Very fat. Save me!



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