Its now 5pm and i am blogging from medsoc room. Nobody knows that i am here. I ate dinner early cos it is what i would call a comfort meal. I am not feeling too well lately and its affecting me terribly. I feel isolated and ostracised. By who? Myself. Yes, i am isolating and ostracising myself. There are moments in time when too much is too bad and this is a time where i am feeling that there is too much crap going on in my life now. I don't care a hoot anymore about a lot of things. I don't know what and i don't know why but i just don't feel good lately. Maybe its cos i have been involved in too many hurtful incidents already. Maybe its cos i have had enough of the swirling winds that plague my doorstep. If i could list out my troubles, there would be at least 10 but i won't bother now. Its just that i want to have some fun and escape from all these problems without solving them.

I am not depressed get it straight. I am tired and exasperated. Why? Alot of people have made me feel this way. Quite a number of my significant friends in fact. Maybe its just me on a thin string, maybe its just the prevailing mood. I don't feel like talking to the whole world anymore. Just leave me alone. I don't care if i don't attend this or that. In fact, i don't care about a lot of things at all. Make this a rant if you wish to interpret it this way. I want to list out all the stupid atrocities that were done to me but i don't think i should. It just brings out past hurts. I have quite enough of life at the moment. Especially when you get all sort of shit from the whole world and yourself even. Not that i want to say this but my character isn't exactly flawless. I can't laugh off certain things nor can i graciously accept certain things. I can't tell even my close friends especially when some of them have mouths the size of the Nile Delta.

I am sorry to say this but my impression of certain people has taken a dip for the worse. Not that i care or they care. I happier that way. Avaris told me that my hair has changed lighter somehow. possibly cos i am infuriated with a lot of people and maybe its causing my hair to bleach. Was talking to st. James' park just now in medsoc room. Thanks for his presence if not i would have been seething in silence. Nobody understands the situations that i am in and nobody is willing to understand. I am fed up with these people and i am totally right in doing what i did. I did no wrong and get all the blame. maybe its just my wire thin patience or maybe its just my upbringing. Enil was saying that it must be hard for me to ren3 qi4 tun1 shen1 as my upbringing is totally different. I shall have to go off to karate soon. I don't think today will be a bad training day as i have a lot of anger to dispel.

I think i shall give myself a comfort buy over the week to placate my anger. Its not another excuse to buy clothes or anything but i can assure you that i like that item and i will get it if i get my hands on their VIP card from a friend. I guess my best friends are my clothes. They make me look good, feel happy and do not give me shit. I don't feel pressurised anymore. In fact i am close to resignation. I feel like closing this blog cos i think it has fulfilled its usefulness. I have been sufficiently sick of life and all of its multitude of nonsense that this blog has borne the brunt of my anger and my shortfalls. I don't want to really type anymore. I am sick and tired of people having to piss me off all the time when i try my best to be the peacemaker. Its very hard and i can't stand it anymore. can't stand it anymore... i think i am breaking down very soon, very soon.


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