Yesterday was a boring day. That is a good thing. Sometimes too much to handle makes life too melodrama. A little step back into normality is a much needed breather. Morning boring. Afternoon boring. Evening boring how good can that get?

It seems like invisible ink is in full force on a lot of sites... Heh. I feel so stupid. Over a lot of things. One of them is not knowing that invisible ink existed on other people's sites. Was wondering what the long empty spaces are for. Two. I'll be lying if is say it didn't hurt but well.. time will heal and i think healing is taking place already.

Its time for some self-reflection. For what purpose? Well... in retrospect i cannot imagine myself one year ago. Squarely 1 year ago i was still very immature. I feel that i lack maturity still but over the past 1 year, something inside of me has grown up. I don't know if growing up is good or bad. I don't know if i should wholeheartedly embrace it or i should hesistate.

Sometimes when i look back at myself. i am kind of disgusted by my own childishness and spoilt behaviour. Sometimes i feel that i have come a long way and i still have a long way to go. Sometimes it maybe better to have people as friends. I am not psychoing myself here. Yesterday was a very nice night. A night where i could study in peace and at the same time feel harmony and peace within myself.

I am blind. Blinded by many things. blinded by my own sheltered upbringing, blinded by having too many orthodox friends, blinded by having too many interests resulting in subsequent distractions and in the process i don't see the world for what it is. Don't worry about me. Its just the serious side and contemplative side that is speaking here.

When I am blind, i chase something all the way perhaps. Some of you know that i can be very very determined and forceful to the point of stubborn headstrongness just to prove a point. I haven't yet found something that could inspire me to those heights again. I have something in mind to do so now and i hope that God guides me in this. If he remembers those times.

I love my self-control.



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