Everytime we say goodbye, I die a little,
Everytime we say goodbye, I wonder why a little,
Why the Gods above me, who must be in the know.
Think so little of me, they allow you to go.

When you're near, there's such an air of spring about it,
I can hear a lark somewhere, begin to sing about it,
There's no love song finer, but how strange the change from major to minor,
Everytime we say goodbye.

When you're near, there's such an air of spring about it,
I can hear a lark somewhere, begin to sing about it,
There's no love song finer, but how strange the change from major to minor,
Everytime we say goodbye.


Well, these few days have been most tiring for me. I went dozing off to sleep yesterday at the insane time of 9.30pm and promptly woke up at 3am. I don't know what is wrong, i am losing my rhythm and my life. I have been in this depressive rut since like the middle of november and its not leaving anytime soon. I don't know how to get out of it. A retreat? A camp? A holiday? A party? A disco? Tried some of them but they aren't working. My usual de-stressing tactics are failing miserably. The burden on my back gets heavier with everyday. Somehow i feel like I am Adrian Pang in that show which is called 6 weeks, where he is diagnosed with gastric cancer and has 6 weeks to live and the entire world is falling apart around him because of him.

To some suspicious individuals, do not presume to assume that you know what is going on. Nothing is going on and do not start nonsensical stuff. I don't like it. AND I MEAN IT.

I am quite suggestible by moods of songs especially melancholic songs. Its not helping things at the present moment but i like it. I like the jazz delivery of this song which makes it seem as if it is being delivered on a moonlit night. A nice quiet moonlit night. Somehow I am beginning to appreciate the beauty of loneliness and lonesomeness. I am descending into some anti-social phase where I don't really like to do a lot of things anymore. And this somehow comes in when i have too much activities to do.

I have a lot of things to say but i don't know where to begin. Its very hard to start when you don't know what is causing you to feel depressed except nothing more than an ominous feeling that seemingly sucks all life away. Usually the reason for this presents itself but nothing is coming forth. Its not helping that i am shunning all my usual friends. I just hope that maybe the holiday will have a change in my mood.

A lot of questions are floating in my head, I want to know the answers to all of them but i feel that it is not time for me to know all of the answers yet. I wish i knew the answers but sometimes i don't want to know. Dilemna i guess, and it makes me even sadder that some questions will remain unanswered until the time is right. I hope for an enlightenment in time for christmas or before new year. I need a space to retreat. Somethings can't be rushed and maybe sometimes what i know are lies, lies to make me happy and contented and deceiving from the truth. But truth sometimes wavers and they change with time. But I shall make this pursuit for the truth my last resolution for this year. Once i have gotten the answers then i am ready to make my new resolutions for the new year. I am determined to find the answers for this.



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