Well... If you all haven't already noticed, i am seemingly schizophrenic. At least on the blog that is. Looking at the tch1dl2.blogspot posts and the posts on this very space that i am typing on, you might wonder if i am seemingly gone off my bonkers. One crazy post that spells of a bored lunacy, and another depressed ire in not-so-subtle hints.

Well, I will make it clear then. I am not happy at somebody. And NO. This is not going to be another conflagration. I am not going to launch another nuclear torpedo using the keypad. Out of the 4 words, I am mostly T. T for Tired. I don't know why, its been a hurricane 1.5 months for me. Playhouse, Birthday, Inability to Dive, Angsty posts with invisible inks etc. Well. Life is gradually getting better

I have been irritating a few people these days. I don't know why my irritable side which i detest so much is appearing. I think i need to retreat for a while lest i infuriate more of the people whom i am close to or are friends with. I don't know what is wrong with me these days as nothing goes right. Most of the time i end up making things into a mess. Less is More i am afraid.

Different expectations may translate into sadness as when you expect a lot from people, they don't deliver. You want them to surprise you by reading your mind but sometimes it just turns awry. I shouldn't demand so much and put too much trust in people. It is just plain disappointing when you are disappointed.

I might have turned away certain people from my world, for what reason? I don't know. Is it wise? I don't know. Why am i the person who always gives way in the end even when i am not in the wrong? I don't know. I try to talk things out but i get drowned out all the time. And the further irony is that i am supposed drowning out the other person involved. Or so this person says.

I try to act strong, but inside, i know that i am not that strong. It is just an act, just as when i act happy. I try to act happy when i am not around influences that sadden me but it invariably creeps into my mind. I don't like to feel sad. My life has been a sad one. If you all think that money is good, think again. It can NEVER NEVER NEVER buy happiness. All my Burberry and Kenzo is a way of getting rid of money which i detest and giving me happiness which i crave and lack. I will say this. I rather be poor and happy. That is if it ever exists.

I don't know if what i did was right or wrong. I don't know if i have the right to be angry with anybody. I don't know what will happen the day tomorrow or the day after. The life i lead has enough crap as it is which i can't seemingly get rid of. They say that Singapore has 1/3 of its population suffering from insomnia. I guess i am one of them. I usually go offline around 11pm or earlier so that i can sleep through everything. I dread waking up, when i will confront all my inner demons again. But I can't sleep. I toss and turn in bed and sometimes i don't sleep at all. I can't solve my problems, so please please don't add to them. Thanks.

I would love a little discretion from my friends time to time. Not a fucking big mouth. Tell B not enough. Must tell J. And also must tell D. WOW. And then next? C or G or whoever you so please. The whole wide world too? WWW.IAMAFUCKINGBIGMOUTH.COM



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