Played floorball from 9.30 to 12.30. Then went to school and now at 4.30, waiting for parents to pick me up to go to grandparents house. Not going out today or tomorrow. Its too tiring going out 9 days without fail. Haven't rested since last thursday. Kind of shacked already. Dead tired

a lot of questions remain to be answered. But the main one is why? Why must things happen? Why do i as i write this remain emotionless? Why am i so in control of my emotions until i have lost all anger or fire? Why am i unable to feel for anything except to resign and accept them with nothing but a dropped head and a silent cry? Why inside in me i feel so much but am unable to express it out? is it really better to be in total submission and not be able to freely express what you truly feel? Why is it that i have to resort to typing on this space instead of talking to the people who are truly affecting me? Why is it that they even affect me? Why is it i get affected by all these small things instead of looking at the big picture and ignore them? Why does it gall me so much? Why am i running away? Why is it i feel empty? Why am i so lost and dazed? WHY?

Answer is the usual. I don't know. I can tell others precisely what is wrong but when it comes to myself i cannot figure out how in the world i manage to screw things up. Its been so long already. I don't know how i am going to cope but well, if it comes to it, i will have to cope with it. Sorry for this cryptic post. I can't say anything more. I want to cry but there are no more tears inside. I want to scream but my voice is totally gone. I want to regret but regrets are too late. It has reached the point of no return. I don't know what more can i do. Kill myself? its not a non-option


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