Yesterday was one hectic day. Floorball in the morning, discussing trip with friends in the afternoon, then another gastronomic adventure in the evening. And i feel so tired that even now as i am typing this, my whole body is aching. And after this another short post, i am leaving to watch Sound of Music as Esplanade.

Can't really say much these days due to the nature of my outings. I am so tired after them that i can't really remember what they were memorable for. And to think that i have yet to meet up with friends i haven't seen in a thousand years. It feels rather sad that times flies so fast that you do not realise that you are already 20 going onto 21. The friends that have shaped your life and been a part of your existence since primary/secondary/JC/Kindergarten/ECAs/etc... are now all gone. They just sometimes exist in the form of a contact in your address book and you don't know if they have moved house, changed their HP number or anything. Its quite sad that friendship is transient, like 2 lives running parallel for a while. We must really treasure the moments that we are friends with others before the wheel of fate spins and the drifting away begins.

Why the above statements? I was thinking about how somebody in the past suddenly stopped talking to me because the person was too ashamed to face me. I never did incite any of the feelings because it was all self-generated. This led to a radio silence of 4 years from which only now this person has re-emerged. I was thinking of meeting up with this person again, but what is preventing me from doing so is the lack of stuff to talk about. How do i continue a conversation that was stopped in time 4 years ago? I am no longer in JC and no longer in touch. Talk about the happy times in the past? Well, to be honest, i don't even recall the details. They remain a vague happy memory that fulfils its function of making me happy. I am lost.

Another thing that bothers me. ( I am such a worrisome character. ) What happens when you disagree more than you agree? What happens when the words that come forth are no longer happy ones but biting criticisms and scoldings? Is the friendship taking a sour turn? When is there nothing to talk about except disappointments? Is it always going to be like this? I guess the fault is evenly divided and both parties are at fault. But what can i do when i am faced with a wall that refuses to budge? This wall does not speak what i want to know. This wall does not want to divulge what is wrong but instead gives me a stony silence and expects to continue to remain friends? I don't know how to be happy with somebody who is unhappy at me. What can i do about it? Become a wall i guess.

Lastly, what do you do when you are faced with a friend who has divided loyalties. A friend who says openly that he does not like the person you like but secretly does? And even so remains on much better terms with the girl you are interested in so much so that it irks you to the core? I guess he breached the cardinal sin of not going for your best friend's interest but such things can never be fair because love and like are such subjective emotions that they cannot be subjected to objective censorship. If one could remain objective all his life, he would resemble nothing more than a rulebook. A person who has everything spelt out in black and white. A person who feels nothing except to interpret what is right and wrong. A person who has no feelings. An emotionless being. Is it so wrong to be one? Or is it the best to be one and not feel or care for anything in this world. I wish i could so i wouldn't be bothered or troubled.

ok folks. That's all for the past few weeks of holidays.


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