Why do i feel i trust you? Maybe you have backstabbed me too many times just for me to overlook it.

This is one of my cousins nick on msn. It somehow struck a huge cord with me cos of the way it was phrased. It doesn't sound correct bu well, it certainly made tons of sense. Ok, prepare for a descent into L'infernal's mystical misty universe of crytic posts and hypothetical scenarios that don't make any logical sense at all. Unless you know the context of the situation that caused it.

What do you do when sometimes things don't go your way, when the entire day seemingly turns you on your head and makes the world spin around. To lose something whose value cannot be ascertained in monetary terms makes it even more painful and heartbreaking. I wished that i hadn't lost or misplaced it. Maybe it was a lesson well learnt but i still ache from its loss now. I really pray that it can be found. It really hurts deeply that the day could not get better but delved into a greater pit like this. I wish that sometimes i wouldn't experience such off days. It sucks totally. Especially when you lose a lot of sentimental value and monetary too. Haiz.

We all know the tenets of good behaviour. We all know not to get angry when others are and not to lose our cool. We all know that decorum and proper behaviour is necessary for appearance sake. But do you realise that there are some people who no matter how hard you try to control your temper, just irk the hell out of you? When they make you angry be it by the tone of voice or the words they say, all decorum and politeness gets thrown out of the window. You just fly into a spontaneous rage and immediately you lose all civility. They seemingly press all the wrong buttons and you are unable to control the spiralling anger that emerges within you and threatens to consume your entire being? The same words that other people say may be brushed off with a hint of disdain but if it came from this mouth, you would have taken a club and bashed the person to death? Especially when sometimes the behaviour tends to vacillate from total friendliness to absolute hostility, you don't know which to take and which to choose from. Its really hard sometimes to think about such things but like i said, there are just some people whose actions make you terribly affected. No matter how much you try to convince yourself that your exasperation and anger is not worth it, it strikes the loss-of-self-control switch in your brain and you blow. I nearly did. Maybe the switch is getting less used to the stimuli anymore. I don't see it as a good thing actually, cos it might feel as though that distance is a necessary separation for the better good perhaps. Sigh.


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