ok, just finished my night run. E med test is tomorrow. must study today. But there are so many things to do. Etro sale and FCUK sale has started. anyway, a little more onto what happened during that fateful tuesday morning and monday night. I cannot sleep well, maybe i should visit my sgh psyciatry prof lim for a consultation.

I think everybody who went through E med has a defining experience. As in, there will be one case that sends your whole E med department into a frenzy and whips up a memory that you will not forget. For me, It's the last monday and tuesday. It has got me morbidly afraid of being a pedestrain actually. You see, the korean girl case, all of my clinical group was there in the ttsh department as she was being wheeled in gasping for her life. 16 and in the flower of youth and her life was bitterly destroyed. We tried everything to save her, but ultimately from the begining, the prognosis was zero. Exsanguinating. Externally she looked really ok as in not as bad as the motorcyclist who came in on monday with brain matter leaking out of his cranium and a non-existent eyeball. Exsanguination too. But the worst part was that their faces no longer resembled the original person. There were 4 other deaths in the Emergency dpt for those 2 days which are equally as exciting and as tragic. I just feel sad now cos its really hard to try and save somebody when all the odds are against you. Sigh. We tried, we all really did and its hard to accept.

The other cases are more of a point of interest. Like suicide and how to certify death. Asystole, Pulseless Electrical activity and etc. But you really wonder how fragile life is. YX was telling me that there was this 18 year old boy who went clubbing and his drink was spiked and he went into VF and asystole and now is brain dead. 18 and brain dead. Sigh. I think i am really affected. A decomposed body is still ok, but when people are in this limbo state its not what i would like though.

Thankfully Bangkok is coming. I need a time off to think through many things. Being in E med has changed the way of my thinking and i need to sort out my priorities. Derrick is right, it all really is childish when you look at it retrospectively. A rather distinguished person put it relatively well when i sought his opinion. I'll have to reevaluate my own views and perceptions on life and limits on human character and behaviour. Everything seems so mild now when compared to death. I'll remind myself constantly that its better to treasure what you have now than to be picky. I get nightmares everynight when i return from the emed. Cos every elderly that enters ED keeps on reminding me of my grandparents. Who are still healthy and have no medical problems. I am so so mortally afraid. I fear for that inevitable day


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